adhd boyfriend broke up with me

'I think you may have Asperger's,' my boyfriend said nervously. Mustve been about a year ago cuz I was like its playoff season and 3 of my teams are still in ummmm yeah. See how she responds. Where did my compassionate nurturing partner go? I thought that, with time, we could work on finding better coping strategies together. Unfortunately while these scenarios are exactly what we experience hes uninterested in considering that this could be a basis for our problems. Its a much more dangerous situation when youre hallucinating and completely incapable of expressing your medical needs. Until then, it just all sounds like, Heres even MORE you can do for your ADHD partner.. we dont get into relationships so we can be subordinate to the other persons disorder. Confusion tends to keep us frozen and hurt. . ADHD relationships dont exist in a vacuum. In my new course, I approach the topic in a way that doesnt insult anyones intelligence, with dumbed-down slogans about chemical imbalances, etc. I hear you, and Im so sorry youve found yourself in this situation. I dont know the rules of break ups, usually I am the person who is doing the breaking up because of the other person cheating or lying or whatever. I would not call it, however, a heavy pathology from childhood., I would call narcissism a bucket diagnosis that until recent times has described a wide variety of behaviors but hasnt explained their genesis, other than the usual speculation about childhood and blame the mother. . I have ADD, but I can hyperfocus and get specific tasks accomplished (usually) and am fortunate enough to have a level of intellectual acuity that tends to make my symptoms less obvious to casual observers, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. One phenomenon Ive noticed: Many Adult ADHD specialists act very protectively toward their clients. Now, since none of this has happened, Im coming to terms with the fact that none of these behaviours are likely ever to change, and I find myself questioning whether I want to stay in the relationship. I Dont Nag!! My first book, 2008, was a major attempt to empower people with ADHD and their partners to understand ADHD and pursue evidence-based treatment, including with medication. My dad and sister had to take me to the hospital and I remember calling him (this was around 12 am) in a very bad condition to let him know what was happening. We were together almost 5 years and honestly I don't know how to feel. An absolutely clear and wide path, free of bicycle, humidifier, and other flotsam and jetsam. I was exploring art including photography, the thing I have a degree in and when we first met, he liked that I wasnt just another computer person and that I was different from the engineers he was with all day but I became an imaging engineer when I graduated. 2. That can be my swan song, so that my conscience can be clear moving forward. I also discovered that those psychological disorders influence AD/HD. Ask your questions for your own sense of closure if he is done. Its another thing for our ADHD partners to remember and be able to respect those boundaries. Solving Your Adult ADHD Puzzle Foundations, As for Jit can be very tricky, reaching folks like J, as you describe him. In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn't want to be alone, he doesn't want to deal with his grief over the breakup, and he doesn't want to "deal with himself.". As all adult , my responsibility includes doing my laundry and not throwing dirty laundry wherever/wheneverI feel like it. I couldnt address it for several days, being too weak. The most obvious sign of this was (and still is) that I am highly clutter-prone. I studied borderline & ad/hd in regards to this, but really think it is ad/hd. Because I didnt link any of this to the ADHD and my behaviour but thought it was relationship incompatibilities. As for the mental-health professionals who fail to recognize ADHD or know what to do about it I write about that in my first book (You Me ADD). Its going to therapy to try to manage a grown man. If someone loves you, adhd or not, they will stay. We just cannot rely on the average therapist or physician. Please read my reply to MH. https://adhdsuccesstraining.com/solving-your-adult-adhd-puzzle-for-couples-and-individuals/. There is more to say than I can possibly write but our biggest thing is I CANNOT say anything at all to her without it being flipped back at me I know mom Im just a failure or You only ever criticize me I feel like she is gaslighting me constantly. Hes stuck with me through everything including changing psych diagnoses ending with a set including ADHD that finally seem right. (Lying repeatedly, drinking too much, cheating while travelling, being clued out and not bothering (his words) when he needed to care in important situations, gaslighting, back stabbing, coming on to my women friends and trying to gossip about me, being an unengaged parent so I needed to do it all.) Im sorry it was so hard for you. None of this was a big deal because he checked in with me constantly, listened to feedback, took steps to try to solve these issues, asked for help, apologized easily, expressed regular gratitude for my understanding, and found any annoyance I displayed understandable. Ill tell you my personal story in a minute. i don't know if this has any importance but my boyfriend has ASD, ADHD and OCD. Im still in my relationship and I would have left a year ago but in my situation, leaving will result in (temporary) homelessness. :>) Interestingly enough the person I did this deep research dive for is in deep denial and avoidance of the issues and us. NOW he doesnt understand all this artsy stuff. Sadly, this is all too common. You were probably drawn to your boyfriend for a reason. What did I find? Then, as restrictions started easing, they could expand their options. Finally, I said, Stop! He never told me if the doctor or nurses told him anything! But there is lots of great information on Adult ADHD these days, in this blog and in my books and other books by experts, such as Russell Barkley, Phd. Connie, what you said is 100% what I am also experiencing, but instead of 18 months, its closer to 3 years. On the flip side, being invalidated is my kryptonite. Home is where I constantly try to avoid any cause of discomfort or annoyance. That might be more easily done if you find a partner who can act as a partner in a more equitable way. Trust issues may include factors such as jealousy, possessiveness, unreasonable rigidity, emotional infidelity, physical/sexual infidelity, relational game playing, lack of reliability and dependability, lack of emotional support, lack of financial compatibility, and lack of mutually-supportive goals. No slow creeping loss, either, it was a big BANG! I ask for kisses, we share a loving, knowing joke when he squirms and pulls away, or talks about how much he likes his new shoes directly after but he also obliges much more freely, when I ask him, and seems to enjoy the physical affection, the little pecks on the cheek, that he had totally stopped giving me over the last year or so. So he lied, for 3 weeks. On the other hand, depending on what is shared, a break up might be a healthy option. When youre dropped on your head, metaphorically speaking, it still hurts. Id already had a close call where I had the signal at a dangerous intersection and after finally getting used to pushing a button again, as Ive had to do most of my life, I knew this one car was going to be a problem no matter what I did. And through past conversations, that doesnt seem to do much for you for whatever reason. His tenure started post-surgery: He steered my wheelchair careening through the hospital hallways and into the elevator. There were no books to guide us. They want them to get with the program and throw all their support behind their ADHD partners. Why? But just like he finds a way to buy two brand new pairs of British Knights, I know he will find a way to buy me toner. Your story can have whatever ending you like. I explain I just need help with tools to manage my own feelings and responses. I imagine so. And yes, exactly to this: I also know that B is as bad or worse at tending to his own health and welfare. Which is a whole other can of worms. For more information: Solving Your Adult ADHD Puzzle. Please read or listen to my first book. It set up a bad habit first thing and it worked until I just got too tired to do it anymore. Then, when I was 27, I had an ear infection that turned into meningitis. That explains it. are being revisited byscience. Beyond that, dont mention reconciliation right now. Also, check the passage in my book about setting boundaries. Its one thing to set boundaries. Im still not entirely sure, but I will learn more especially now that Ive found your page and have some confidence that Im not the only person facing these challenges and that they truly are hard and its not just me being over sensitive. Call a hot line. I never let myself get walked over- why was I allowing it now? I do still have surges of anger when I see socks on the floor sometimes and find myself returning to the mindset of that dark period where I began to believe he had stopped truly caring about me, but I can take a breath and remember that if I expressed those feelings to him, he will do his best to understand and even if he cant completely relate, he will give me the benefit of the doubt and tell me that he cares about how hard things can be for me. She will not begin to consider that her present behavioral modality is ill-suited for solo entrepreneurship. I was the peacemaker type of kid so I took it on without complaint and the more I did the more she gave up. For the better part of three or four years, Ive tried to diagnose my wifes behavior as HPD, BPD, NPD, Autism All the while, getting caught in cyclical conflicts pertaining to my forgetfulness, instability, and unreliability. You deserve a life. Meanwhile, I encourage you to optimize ADHD treatment as best you can. He says he doesn't want to cut off contact and I know he would be really sad if we did that. The answer is NO! Only to get upset with me, and in turn Id get very quickly frustrated because I knew I was simply attempting to think, or process. Im am 57 and my daughter who is a 34 and her 3 year old live with me. So much unnecessary hurt, suffering, and lossall due to unrecognized/poorly managed ADHD. My wife interpreted this as inconsideration, self-centeredness and/or co-dependence. Sorry, but there are no easy answers. Every comment, disappointment, or difference of opinion does not have to turn your home into a battlefield. Thank you, thank you, thank you! And Ive asked my husband to YES go to the gym and if Im not done when he gets home, please help me just DO it He made sure to put food next to me before he left Im learning to appreciate those things. He has relapsed to using cocaine at least 3 or 4 times ( and other drugs several times ) since we have been together, and when I caught him on it ( by spying on his phone ), he suddenly became honest about it, later reverting to a guilt-rage usually on the same day, accusing me of all sorts of false things. In short, they shame them. Hes not good at showing affection but I can see through his actions and providing me with whatever I needed even if he had no interest and no interest in faking interest.. This page is so cool! It has profoundly improved my understanding of the misery I had hopelessly tried to figure out for 27 years. Yet, the loved ones of these in denial adults with ADHD often have more influence than they think they do. Thanks for providing an example of bullying and gaslighting. Unfortunately, I am also having to cope with my wifes drinking disorder for which she is in denial and wont accept that she needs help. Your Adult ADHD Success program sounds great, but were living on my public servants pension, so money is tight, especially with the cost of knee replacement surgery this year (both of knees). I just updated it today. You were taking an amphetamine that suppressed your appetite during the day and made it hard to come down at night, for sleep. Thank you! She cannot fix your adhd, nor should she be forced to absorb it. I very often feel like Im not only in this partnership alone, but that Im somehow beyond alone cause regular loneliness doesnt come with such financial strain and endless conflict.

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